Another Victory!

Middle Sojourner had another victory.  She began talking to another friend (one that doesn't live near us, but has been visiting).  Slowly she is beginning to make good progress and we are very hopeful that she will begin speaking at school this school year.

One of the exrecises games we do is to play war.  They count "1, 2, 3!" together as they flip the cards and then Middle Sojourner says either "You" or "Me" depending on who has the higher card.  This is just one of the simple one word answer games we play in order to help her overcome her fear of speaking.  Usually she starts our whispering and then slowly gets a little louder.

One of the things I noticed with this visit was that it took Middle Sojourner longer to warm-up to speaking.  I surmize that it is because I didn't tell her ahead of time that I wanted to work on the games with this friend when she came over and therefore she did not have time to process it.  Having time to process it and pray about it seems to give her more courage and makes her less uneasy going into the situation.  This seems to fir her personality in general (not just with the SM) so I am not quite sure this would be helpful to all kids with SM, or if it is just helpful to her.

Even though she played all of the one word answer games verbally she did not immediately start talking to the girl normally as she had previously.  Later in the day she did begin talking to her openly though.  The windows were open and they were playing out side.  I overheard the girl say, "Middle Sojourner, you are talking to me!"  Middles Sojourner said, "Yeah, it's no big deal, I am starting to do that now.  I started talking to two of my friends from school already!"  That answer cracked me up.  It was also really good to hear because a major part of her fear is how people will react to her speaking (she doesn't like for it to be a big deal) and so it was great that she responded in that way.  I am so proud of her! 

And, I am also so thankful that the Lord continues to work in this situation.

Proud Mama,

Big Step

Middle Sojourner went this whole passed school year with only one single word (accidentally) spoken at school.  This summer we have been having some of her friends from school over to work on seeing some progress.  On Thursday we had one of the little girls from her class over to play for the day. 

They played, and played, and played!

They even got to play some Wii.

They had lunch on the patio with some of our neighbor kids too.

And, after lunch I did some exercises with Middle Sojourner and her friend that our counselor taught us.  (Basically, games with one word communication.)  The first couple of the games were without eye contact and Middle Sojourner did well whispering the one word answers.  (A big step!)  The the last couple of games her answers got a little louder and she was having more eye contact.  (An even bigger step!)  After the games I told her to work on answering her friend's yes or no questions (verbally) for the rest of the day and that next week when she came over we would work on more.  To my surprise, by the end of the day Middle Sojourner was talking a mile a minute in her normal voice to her friend just like she does to us!  (A HUGE step!!!)  We are so thankful for this breakthrough and hope that we continue to see progress this summer with her friends so that next year we can hopefully see her talking (or at least whispering) in the classroom.  This week we are greatly encouraged and continue to seek the Lord's

guidance in how best to help Middle Sojourner overcome this fear.

To celebrate this big victory Middle Sojourner was aloud to plan a day of festivities.

She wanted a big breakfast so we had a feast.  She wanted Asian Noodles

(one of our favorites, I'll have to share that next time I make it) for lunch so that's what we had. 

She wanted to play Clue so we all spent an afternoon trying to solve a mystery.

Who did it?  In what room?  With what weapon, Middle Sojourner?

Little Sojourner may have figured it out.

Mr. Sojourner makes an accusation.  He was wrong.  I made an accusation.  I was wrong.  Ms. Sojourner made and accusation.  She was wrong too.  Middle Sojourner makes an accusation and she got it correct!  We finished off the day with one of her favorite dinners: hamburger and gravy over mashed potatoes.

It was a great day of fun and celebration!

*You can read more about Selective Mutism, Middle Sojourner's story, and our journey to help her overcome it by pressing the "Selective Mutism" tab at the top of the blog.

A Little Hope

The last few months have been discouraging for us as the school year ended and Middle Sojourner had not made the progress that we had hoped with her teacher and fellow students.  Thus, trying to make the decision to stay or to go back "home" and the timing of carrying it out.

Two nights this week we have skyped with family members in the States, who were on the short list of those that she has talked to but who she has not verbally spoken to in a year (not even during our many skypetimes with them), and Middle Sojourner spoke to them both!!!  It was just a little bit of hope in the midst of an overwhelming situation and we are incredibly thankful for it.  God knows exactly when we need a ray of hope.

*You can read more about our journey with Middle Sojourner and Selective Mutism here.

Selective Mutism

Middle Sojourner's Story

Middle Sojourner & Mommy. 

I know it is not the greatest picture with all that back light, but it reminds me of the sweetness of Middle Sojourner.

She is always doing sweet things for others.  This picture was taken in January, while in Kenya,

 she had used her own money to buy be these earrings in my favorite colors as a surprise.

When Middle Sojourner was five years old three different people in the course of a weeks time, that she knew fairly well and interacted with frequently, said that they had never heard her speak. Up to this time we knew that she was very shy, but really didn't think much about it because both my husband and I were extremely shy when we were kids. We started to watch her more closely in situations where she was around people other then family. She was almost always with her Ms. Sojourner (her older sister) and she would use Ms. Sojourner to talk for her. We still really didn't think much about it because we just assumed it was shyness and that she would eventually grow out of it. A short time later a family member, whom Middle Sojourner loved and interacted with on a regular basis but did not talk to, gave us a magazine article on Selective Mutism. We read it, but didn't take it very seriously, still believing that Middle Sojourner was just shy, and eventually would grow out of it as my husband and I had both done. A few months later we packed or sold all of our belongings and headed to an eight week training that would prepare us for our move overseas (October 2009). The girls attended a small school with others who were also training for their overseas move. This was the girls' first experience in a school setting because they had been home schooled (but with lots of interaction with other kids through home school groups, church, and the neighborhoods we lived in) thus far. They loved going to school every morning and made lots of new friends. Middle Sojourner's teacher and principal called us into the office and asked us questions about Middle Sojourner. They were concerned and wanted to bring in a children's psychologist to evaluate her. We agreed and Middle Sojourner was evaluated. She was diagnosed with Selective Mutism right before her 6th birthday.

Our company decided to delay our deployment overseas and we moved into temporary housing and Middle Sojourner began counseling twice a week with a Christian counselor who specialized in children and anxiety (January 2009). She had never had experience with SM before. Middle Sojourner progressed really well, better then any of the research that we could get our hands on. We were excited. Within 5 months Middle Sojourner was talking to her counselor like she did to us, answering "uh uh" and "uh huh" (for some reason this is easier for her then "yes" and "no" and is a smaller step) to people, ordering her own food at fast food restaurants, and slowly talking to a few more people. Our counselor and our company released us for deployment feeling like with the progress we has seen that it was possible for us to go and continue working on this overseas as long as we stayed in the capital, she attended an English speaking school, and we were around English speakers on a regular basis.
 A few days before we left we left our plans changed and we headed to Senegal for two months because of some logistics issues (June 2009). When we got to Senegal we were not around English speakers or kids on a frequent basis so we did not have opportunity to implement many of the techniques we had learned through counseling to help Middle Sojourner. After two months we headed to our current West African country and settled in (August 2009). The girls made friends in our neighborhood and Middle Sojourner used what little French she knew speaking with them. We were encouraged! She began school a few weeks later and we hoped that being in this small classroom atmosphere (her class consisted of 5 other girls, no boys) that she would thrive and continue to progress. Things did not work at as we hoped. She was not making progress at school. The African kids went back to school in October and because of the African schools' long hours she was not able to have frequent interaction with the African kids anymore.

The end of the first semester of school (December 2009) we became very frustrated that all of our efforts were not working. We got in contact with Middle Sojourner's counselor via skype and had infrequent meeting with her. Middle Sojourner after 6 months plus without talking to her counselor picked up right where they had left off. Again we were encouraged. We felt like with the help of her counselor we could see progress again. We tried several new things at school and home and still did not see progress before school ended. We are again discouraged.

Our family loves it here and we enjoy the work that we do. We are adjusting well and learning language. Things are going well, except for Middle Sojourner's progress. Right now we are praying that God would give wisdom to three doctors that work for our company in what is the best decision to make for Middle Sojourner's well being. Should we stay and give it another school year and hope that we can make progress? And, if she does not make progress within next school year then go back the US? Or, is it in Middle Sojourner's best interest for us to head back to the US now and start a more aggressive treatment? So for now we wait for God's answer.
 

*You can read more about Selective Mutism at Selective Mutism Group.  This is a definition of what Selective Mutism is.

*****Edited to add that we are now seeing progress!  Read more Selecive Mutism posts to follow her progress.

Flashback: September '09

Middle Sojourner thrived in school despite her selective mutism. (Though she was still non-verbal.) She enjoyed playing silent parts in several plays.

We got more care packages.

Selective Mutism

Our middle daughter (Middle Sojourner) was diagnosed with Selective Mutism a year and a half ago.  It is a rare form of anxiety.  (You can read more about what it is here.)  We are on a journey to help her to overcome this fear and we are learning together along the way.  When she was diagnosed I discovered that there is not a whole lot of information or research out there about this, and there are not many specialists who have dealt with it.  We also did not have contact with another family dealing with this until recently.  All of this has been at times extemely discouraging, and so one of the reasons I share about our journey in this, is so that others' may be encouraged by knowing that there are other families on this journey too.

Middle Sojourner's Story
A Little Hope
Big Step

If you have a story to share, a link to contribute, some advice to communicate, or a question to ask...please do.

*Please know that I am not a doctor, specialist, or anything of the sort.  I am simply a Mom sharing our journey; things that have worked along the way and things that haven't.

You can contact me at mrssojourner@gmail.com